You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
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