just come out here and I will go home with you...
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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