Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
