My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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