I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
