There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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