His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
