??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
