He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
