I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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