I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just invented taco cereal.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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