i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
