i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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