I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize