who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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