shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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