just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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