I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
