is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
