Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I wish there were birth control emojis
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
