Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Randomize
