3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
