Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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