yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
