I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
