Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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