Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
