Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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