Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
