We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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