toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
