Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
