walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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