I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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