Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
