Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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