so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
