I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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