Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Holy shit dude........stairs
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
