just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize
