but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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