I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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