He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
