is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
