You made me cry and you don't even care
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
