I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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