Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
are you so shy because you have an std?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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