bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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