Don't make out with my wife yet
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
