I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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