awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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