i jhust puked up my retainher.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
