I wish I could punch you in the face.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
