But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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