see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
