Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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