Whod you bang
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
