May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize