I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
