she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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