there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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