I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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