im having a threesome with these popsicles
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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