She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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