I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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