Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
