I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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