It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
