im about as happy as oj after his trial
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
