there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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