haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
