she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
