Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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