I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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