Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
