Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
