Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
