I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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