Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
