It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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