Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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