You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
