My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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